When you raise boys, you learn that they love to collect … stuff. Coins, gummy bears, figurines, stones, shells, keys, playing cards. Any random object can strike their fancy. This means going through every pocket on every pair of cargo pants before doing the laundry.

Adults tend to collect beliefs and opinions like boys collect objects. Random, discrepant, and clashing ideas get lumped together and then pulled out and presented as facts, beliefs, and causes.

According to Murray Bowen, the pseudo-self is created by emotional pressure and can be modified by emotional pressure. Every emotional unit, whether it be a family or the total of society, exerts pressure on group members to conform to the ideals and principles of the group. The pseudo-self is composed of a vast assortment of principles, beliefs, philosophies, and knowledge acquired because it is required or considered right by the group. Since the principles are acquired under pressure, they are random and inconsistent with one another, without the individual’s being aware of the discrepancy. (365)

For example:

• Some people support bodily autonomy in this country but also endorse the actions of a regime that denies rights to women and people who identify as LGBT.
• One person advocates free speech … and book bans.
• Yet another wants “law and order” and then defends the actions of rioters and other law-breakers.
• Most people like nice roads, bridges, and schools, but many resent paying taxes.
• Others want the right to provide gender-affirming medical care to minors while opposing vaccines and circumcision.

These examples stand out in today’s regressed, inflamed era of extreme polarization. But smaller, everyday examples abound.

Gluten-free preacher one month, Keto zealot the next? Did you cancel your Washington Post subscription yesterday and order from Amazon today? Or maybe you quit watching the NFL until your buddy gave you tickets to a playoff game.

It’s tempting to blow off inconsistency in action, deed, and belief by shouting, “Hypocrite!” as if that solves the problem or, at least, separates oneself from the worst offenders. But the pseudo-self knows no political or religious boundaries.

Humans are emotional creatures who often make irrational decisions. Beliefs, especially shared ones, calm us internally and promote group cohesion.

What compels a child to stuff something in their pocket? Sometimes, it simply catches their eye. More often, a trinket’s value lies in its value with their peers. Remember when Pokémon cards were the thing? My son does. Then there was that time when people seriously thought that collecting Beanie Babies was a good investment strategy. Do those same people pay off their credit cards every month? I’m just asking for a friend.

Beliefs are contagious. Like other contagions, they tend to come and go, with vulnerable individuals and communities suffering the worst effects. Some beliefs are more stubbornly pernicious than others (Vaccines absolutely do not cause autism), and some stand the test of time, proving valuable to a healthy society. These beliefs, better known as convictions, tend to be based on facts instead of feelings. Yet during times of heightened stress and anxiety, even scientifically proven evidence may be discarded, as happened during the pandemic.

If you want to examine your beliefs for consistency, empty your pockets and check out what’s in them. You can ask yourself:

• How did I come to believe this?
• Do I hold incompatible beliefs?
• Does my behavior support my belief?
• Under what circumstances would I abandon my belief?
• What happens if I proclaim my belief? Will I be supported or criticized? Admired or ostracized?
• Am I willing to pay the price of holding this belief?

Reference

Bowen, Murray. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. Jason Aronson, Inc. Kindle Edition.